Hey there! Having a hilarious day today? This season's jokes will cheer you up for sure! Just read a joke or two every time you're feeling down. This Autumn season's theme is 'School Daze' as children all over the world have begun their new school year, and you can enjoy these jokes all through the season - September, October and November! I hope you experience at least a few giggles reading this funny page!
What's everyone's favourite expression at school? I don't know!
Teacher: Do you understand the importance of punctuation? Pupil: Oh yes, I always get to school on time!
Our school canteen must be spotlessly clean. The food tastes of soap!
Pupil: Excuse me sir, but I don't think I deserve a mark of nought for my exam paper. Teacher: Neither do I, but it's the lowest mark I can give!
Boy: I think our school must be haunted. Father: Why? Boy: Well, our headmaster's always talking about the school spirit!
Mother: Did you enjoy your first day at school? Girl: First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?
Headmistress: I hear you missed school yesterday. Pupil: No, not one bit.
Did you hear about the teacher who bought a waterproof, shockproof, magnetic-proof watch? It caught fire.
Father: What are your marks like at school? Boy: They're underwater. Father: What do you mean, underwater? Boy: Below C level.
Teacher: Your essay about your cat is the same as your sister's. Pupil: Yes, it's the same cat!
Teacher: When do you like school best? Pupil: When it's closed!
Teacher: Describe water for me. Pupil: It's a colourless liquid that goes black when I put my hands in it!
Teacher: Why did you miss the first class? Pupil: I went to get my hair cut. Teacher: You don't get your hair cut during school hours. Pupil: But it grew during school hours. Teacher: Not all of it. Pupil: I didn't have it all cut off.
Why did the teacher switch on the lights? Because the class was so dim!
The school concert starts at eight sharp. And it ends at ten dull.
On what kind of ships do students travel? On scholarships.
Why did the cyclops close his school? Because he only had one pupil.
Why was the teacher fired? He didn't have enough class.
What did the anatomy teacher say at the start of the lesson? Is everyone here?
Geography Teacher: What is the Equator? Pupil: It's an imaginary lion running round the Earth.
Teacher: Steve, you're very late this morning. Steve: That's OK, sir, I don't mind you starting without me.
Teacher: Stop showing off. Do you think you're the teacher here? Pupil: No, Miss. Teacher: Then stop acting like a fool.
Why did the teacher put her hair in rollers before going to bed? She wanted to wake up curly the next morning.
Did you hear about the Art teacher who took a pencil to bed? She wanted to draw the curtains!
Father: Did you do well in your exams? Girl: I came top. Father: That's brilliant! Girl: Top of those who failed.
Teacher: Give me a sentence with the word 'centimetre' in it. Pupil: My grandma arrived at the station and I was centimetre.
Friend: What's your son going to be when he passes his school exams? Parent: An old-age pensioner.
What do pixies and elves do after school? Gnomework.
Headmaster: I've had complaints from all of your teachers to do with you Johnny. What have you been doing? Johnny: Nothing. Headmaster: Exactly.
Teacher: Can you tell me what a unit of electricity is called? Pupil: What? Teacher: Correct!
Teacher: Did you write this poem yourself? Pupil: Oh yes, every line of it. Teacher: Well, I'm very pleased to meet you, Mr Shakespeare. I thought you were dead.
Father: Did your school play have a happy ending? Girl: Oh yes, everyone was happy when it ended.
Did you hear about the music teacher who put her violin in the freezer? She wanted to play it cool.
Father: I hear you're in the school football team. What position are you? Boy: The teacher says I'm the main drawback.
Teacher: I hope I didn't see you cheating in the exam? Pupil: I hope so, too!
Teacher: For homework tonight, I want you to write an essay on Attila the Hun. Pupil: I'd rather write on paper.
Why do children have to go to school? Because the school won't go to them.
Mother: How is school? Boy: Fine. I'm centre forward in football and right back in lessons.
Why did the schoolboy hate decimals? He couldn't see the point.
Teacher: What's the difference between electricity and lightning? Pupil: You don't have to pay for lightning.
Boy: My teacher does bird impressions. Mother: Really? Boy: Yes, she watches me like a hawk.
Teacher: Name two pronouns. Pupil: Who, me? Teacher: Correct!
Teacher: Name a bird that doesn't build its own nest? Pupil: The cuckoo. Teacher: That's right! How did you know that? Pupil: Cuckoos live in clocks.
First Teacher: Do you remember the days when pupils brought their teachers apples? Second Teacher: Yes, now all they do is drive us bananas!
Did you hear about the teacher who drowned in a cesspool? The inquest said it was sewercide.
What's the most important thing to remember in chemistry lessons? Don't lick the spoon.
Teacher: If I cut an apple into four pieces and a banana into eight, what will I get? Pupil: Fruit salad.
Teacher: What language is spoken in Cuba? Pupil: Cubic?
Teacher: For your homework tonight, I want you to write one sentence on the Hundred Years' War. Pupil: Why only one sentence. Teacher: Because that's all you'll write anyway.
What do you get if you swallow uranium? Atomic ache.
First Pupil: I wish we could sell our teachers. Second Pupil: Why? First Pupil: Because it said on TV 'old masters' are fetching big auction prices!
Did you hear about the teacher that had three pairs of glasses? One pair for indoors, one pair for outdoors and one pair for looking for the other two.
Headmaster: Why are you late for school? Pupil: There are eight people in our family and the alarm clock was set for seven.
Fred: I'm going to night school. Charlie: Why? Fred: I want to learn to read in the dark.
Pupil: Would you punish me for something I didn't do? Teacher: Of course not. Pupil: Good, because I haven't done my homework.
What has a teacher got that his pupils haven't? The answer book.
Why did the school dinner lady eat a candle? She wanted a light meal.
Mother: Why did my son get a minus mark in his exam? Teacher: Because not only did he get all the answers wrong, but he spelt his name wrong as well.
Teacher: If we breathe oxygen in the daytime, what do we breathe at night? Pupil: Nitrogen?
Father: I'm not very pleased with your school report. Girl: I told the teacher you wouldn't like it, but he insisted on sending it to you anyway.
Teacher: Why were you late for school this morning? Boy: Well, I obeyed the sign just down the road that says 'School ahead - go slow'.
Teacher: What is New Zealand's climate like? Pupil: I think it must be very cold. Teacher: What makes you think that? Pupil: Because the meat they send us is always frozen.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher? She couldn't control her pupils.
Teacher: Where would you find the Andes? Pupil: At the end of the wristies.
Teacher: I told you to write that sentence out a hundred times because your writing is so bad, but you've only written it seventy times. Girl: Yes, sir. My arithmetic is bad, too.
Girl: I'm not going back to that school again. Mother: Why's that? Girl: Last week the teacher said five plus five makes ten. On Monday she said six plus four makes ten. Today she said seven plus three makes ten - I'm not going back until she makes up her mind.
Father: Do you want me to help you with your homework? Girl: No thanks, I can get it wrong by myself.
Teacher: Where does milk come from? Boy: A cow? Teacher: Correct! And where does wine come from? Boy: A wine-ocerous?
